Misunderstood Adult ADHD

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/mental_health/article7088139.ece

Great article but interesting how the attitude towards ADD / ADHD seems to be different in the UK than it is here in the States. The prevailing attitude I've experienced here is that certainly it exists, but that it's misunderstood and somewhat over diagnosed. From the article and the comments following, I would assume it's rather under diagnosed over there, although it still seems to be widely misunderstood.

It's actually really interesting to me what an outcry there is over ADHD treatment. It seems to center around the feeling that there is "something wrong with" a person with ADHD. The ADHD person, when diagnosed, seems to frequently say to him or herself either "that's what's wrong!" (in relief) or "There's nothing wrong with me!" (in outrage).

Those relieved that they now "know what's wrong" seem to be OK with the idea of taking a prescription drug to "fix it," where others who react with "there's nothing wrong!" either ignore it totally or go towards alternative solutions like life coaching and dietary changes.

( Of course these are very general opinions formed based on personal experience, reading, chatting with other parents, etc. I'm not claiming to be accurate or authoritative. Just imho. )

It's funny though that people seem to need to have it be one way or the other. Why, I wonder? Why can't we just say, it's not "something wrong" or "not wrong," it just is what it is for each individual person; each individual person needs to recognize their individual symptoms and deal with them in whatever way allows them to be successful, as measured by the criteria which are important to them personally? And why, as always, do we need to impose our choices for what works for us and for what we do or don't experience as symptoms on everyone else?

We went to see the animated film How to Train Your Dragon this weekend, and I have to say, I am impressed. Really, really impressed. I don't say this often, folks, especially for Disney, which can be a bit formulaic. It gets to the point where if you know the main characters, you figure you know what's going to happen almost line-by-line without the time involved in actually watching it.

This was completely different, especially seen from my point of view as a parent of children with disabilities. The whole movie has a "So you have a disability, so what? Get out there and do it anyway" kind of empowering attitude that was a refreshing change from the usual stereotypical pathetic-kid-in-a-wheelchair that you usually see, when you see disabilities portrayed at all.

I don't want to ruin the ending for anyone - there's no spoiler function on this blog lol - but if you or your loved ones are challenged by a disability, go see it!! You'll be glad you did.

Typical ADHD distractedness...

LOL, how sad, can't manage to even run my mouth on a regular schedule!!

Really have hit bottom this past year in an unbelievable way. Everything, but EVERYTHING, has felt out of control. My most-often uttered phrase this year has been, "Welcome to ADHD!" Kids want to know why their dad did something which makes no sense to them, dad wants to know why kids are hyper - guess what guys!! Welcome to ADHD!! -sigh-

Really, really trying hard to get it all together. I found a wonderful person recently though that is making a big difference, and wanted to share.

Her name is Marla Cilley, aka the Flylady, at www.flylady.net. For an ADHD family, her emphasis on routines and not beating yourself up is lifesaving. We're just started and have re-started many times now, but that's OK. I'm learning to let go of the perfectionism that I grew up with and that it's OK to do things a little at a time. Honestly, that's probably been the hardest lesson of anything. I can clean my house just fine, thankyouverymuch, but I have a persistent thought process that I have to do it ALL, at once, NOW. It's horribly distracting when the place is a mess, and since we have 3 ADHD people who haven't mastered picking up after themselves, it's always a mess. We're getting there a bit at a time. It still frustrates me endlessly though and makes me feel bad when other people have these beautifully clean, organized homes. People who don't live with ADHD, I think, just don't understand the chaos it can cause.

I'm also starting a new Cafepress store of my very own :D, focusing on ADD / ADHD. It's located at http://www.cafepress.com/adhdtees. I wanted to have some income of my own and the ability to keep my kids home in the virtual school we've been in (K12 is wonderful!! We love it!!), but also I've just noticed that there isn't much out there in terms of ADDer designs. There are a few things I've seen that get a lot of exposure (like this one), but the stores that sell them don't specialize in ADHD and almost treat them like a joke (from that site's description: "Do you have ADHD? Probably not but since people think you do, you may as well wear this AD HD shirt.") Well, what about those that DO have ADHD? What about parents with ADHD kids? Ever had some stranger come up to you and want to know "what's wrong with" your kid? Ever wanted to tell them off, but you can't think of what to say until hours later? That's where I want to go with this. We need something in SUPPORT of us, not making fun of us.

Please visit early and often! I'll try to remember (LOL) to not get distracted (LOL again!) and post here when I get new designs up. If there's something you'd like to see done, please let me know!! I'm not a graphic designer, just a mom, but I'll do my best :D.

A politician with a (real) heart, for a change

Remember this line? "I'd like to help you son, but you're too young to vote!" 

I read an interesting article about our new President-Elect today that acutally made me feel good. It seems that a little girl wrote Obama a two-page letter and he actually responded!

It's so nice to see a political figure pay sincere attention to someone who can't get them elected or give them money. Makes you feel like there really maybe is some hope for our elected officials. Glad I voted for him.

"It's the Economy," yet again...

The economy strikes again. My husband's employer just laid off 300 people first thing Monday morning, and wouldn't you know it, he was one of them. :(

Election Day

It's Election Day again.

I hate politics. Most years I avoid anything politically related like it's the plague. This year I've actually been interested, surprisingly, if for no other reason than I'm determined to emigrate if Bush 2.0 gets elected. Like many Americans, I simply can't afford another four years of Bush-I mean, McCain. If we lose our health insurance due to McCain's health plan, we're screwed. 

ADHD is one of those big, fat, pre-existing conditions that independant insurance companies love to disallow. As it is, we can barely afford the "copays" (*cough* highway robbery *cough*  *cough*)  that we pay for the priviledge of stimulant medication. After all, we don't really need it, right? Just need discipline, right?? I've threatened to make people babysit my kids when they say that... they don't say it twice. XD And I'm sorry, a thousand bucks "tax credit" doesn't even begin to cover our family's med co-pays, never mind specialist visits, surgeries, growth hormone, etc., etc. 

So, here's to hoping that our vote doesn't get 'lost' and actually means something. My husband voted on his way to work. Got up and out of the house to be there the minute the polls opened, so he could go to work afterwards. Turns out there was a hour and a half-long wait ... AT 6:00 A.M. Just goes to show you how much everyone cares about it this year. We're all in the same boat. 

Hubby did offer to come home early so I could vote without the kids, but I decided that it was more important to expose the kids to the election process than to have a little easier, quieter, less hyperactive wait in line... wait a minute..., what am I thinking?!  LOL!

Just kidding. We're going to make sure we have our medication XD, bring lots to do, and I'm sure thoroughly irritate the folks in line next to us while learning about and exercising our constitutional right to vote.

I'm really, really glad I have one, and I want to make sure my daughter is too.

I'm amazed what people will sink to...

I was reading in Cafepress's blog today about a phony flier intended to trick Democrats into missing their chance to vote. Granted, I grew up a little protected, but still the depths of people's stupidity simply amazes me.

This is a tough presidential race this year, a historical race, and tension is obviously riding high. However, isn't this particular tactic just a little ridiculously ironic? Here we're voting for the "leader of the free world," the person who's supposed to be defending our civil liberties and upholding the laws of our great country... and one candidate's supporters are attempting to get him elected illegally??

Again, granted, it's not the first time and certainly not the last, but... geez people. Get a grip. 

Always Late? Get Skoached!

Always Late? Get Skoached!

Found this by accident when I got my email from ADDitude Magazine. I don't normally click on the ads, but if it's one thing our family desperately needs now that school's started, it's time management.

The site doesn't give you a lot of information about the software, unfortunately. When you get to the home page, it talks about the project being in beta testing, and has links everywhere looking for volunteers. If they're beta testing, why aren't there at least screen shots, function lists, initial product reviews, etc.? What are they asking you to test?

When you sign up for the beta, it tells you:

Dear Jessica,

Thank you for volunteering to help us test Skoach - ADD-friendly time and task management software. We have received a very large response from interested users and beta testing is already underway. Since we are very close to launching our software, we are not certain whether we will add more volunteers to the beta testing group before launching the software.

You will hear from us shortly, either inviting you to join the next group of beta testers or inviting you to subscribe to Skoach. Thanks for your interest in Skoach!

The Skoach Team

Well, that would have been nice to know before I gave you all my contact information, including phone number, buddy. Geesh. Why are you asking for beta testers if you don't need any? If you can update your 'thank-you' page, you can update the rest of the site.

Hopefully the software itself will turn out better than their website. I'll share anything I find out.

Billy Joel-And So It Goes

Depression music. I am so crazy tired from school starting and hubby issues. Bleh. :(

AAAAAAAAArrrggghhh!!

OK, this was definitely one of those "losing my sanity" weekends. The proverbial last straw was when I went upstairs to go to bed Saturday night, late, I discovered that my half of the room had effectively disappeared!

My husband, looking for something, had taken out what looked like every single article of clothing we owned and dumped them in a huge pile. As my hubby is something of a clothes horse, and we have a small bedroom, the pile filled almost all the room from just inside the door to the opposite wall. I could barely reach his side of the bed (which is closest to the door), much less mine. I just stood there in shock.

The worst of it was, for me, that he didn't even realize that this wasn't a good thing to have done at 11:00 at night. He didn't have a clue why I was upset. He could tell that I was - but didn't have any idea why.

I'm told this is fairly normal for ADHD people - poor impulse control, etc. Still, though, it's incredibly frustrating!!

Special needs school shuts down in wake of drowning

Special needs school shuts down in wake of drowning

My thoughts and condolences go out to poor Jayson's family. Losing a child is a horrible thing to have to go through, I'm sure it's every parent's worst nightmare. I know it's definitely mine. I'm not sure I'd handle it as well as they seem to be - Connie McCuistion, his grandmother, says in a video interview, "I'm not blaming anybody at this point, there's nobody to blame. We're just trying to figure out how, we want to know why."

I wonder if parents of ADHD & autistic kids have those particular nightmares more often though, than the parents of (so-called) "normal" kids. It seems like so much more can go wrong, or maybe is just more likely to go wrong, because our kids don't always have that "common sense" that tells them "that's a bad idea."

Favorite hospital

Writing the last post made me think about needing to cheer for PCH a little.

<cheer>

If you're in the metro Phoenix area and you have a child needing special care, there's no better place to be than Phoenix Children's Hospital. We've been there several times now, for surgery, tests like MRIs, X-rays and CAT scans, and for specialist appointments. While I can't say that being in a hospital is exactly *fun* (I wouldn't go there instead of say, a movie ;) - they make the experience as fun as it can be. The walls are decorated with bright colors and kid-friendly artwork and sculpture, and most are meant to be touched. All the people are friendly and happy to be there and to be working with kids, which was such a relief and a reassurance to us as parents. When Matt was going to have surgery and we reached the point where I couldn't go any further with him, they let him ride in in a red wagon so he wouldn't be scared. (I was terrified ;). They were great about letting me know how things were going and how he was doing, and were very supportive when he came out (which was a big deal to the terrified mama ;).

</cheer>

OK, I'm done ;).

New Doctors

I took my kids to their doctor's appointment the other day, and found out that their doctor had left the practice! We'd just been there the week before, and their doctor didn't say anything. According to the office staff, she's starting her own practice in another town, but not for a while... hmmmm. Odd.

So, we're moving to a new practice. Nothing against the old one, but if I have to retrain a new doctor with our complicated history anyway ;) it might as well be at the family practice my husband and I go to, Caring For Families on Ray Rd. in Phoenix. We had a happy surprise too when discussing it with Dr. Whitten - she's actually heard of Noonan's Syndrome! Although Noonan's is thought to occur about once in every thousand or so live births, none of the doctors we've dealt with outside of Phoenix Children's seem to have heard of it. As a result, starting with a new doctor always seems to involve lots of research and discussion. If she's at least heard of it though, that's a good sign. Maybe this time will be easier.

Back to school already?!?!?

It feels like it just got out, doesn't it? I'm not ready to see Wal-Mart and Target stocked with back-to-school supplies! We don't even have the letter from the school yet with the kids' teacher assignments and school supply lists, and we're missing the sales. Yeesh.

For us, it's also already time to start the "advocating" process with the school. My daughter has a 504 plan, which was just established near the end of her last school year. But this year, she'll be in middle school - and her dr. just told me that the 504 plans don't always transfer automatically as they're supposed to. My son's at least in the same school, but a new teacher.

I think that the advocating for me is one of the hardest parts. I love my kids - but by nature, I'm a pretty laid-back person. I'm not really the battle-all-comers type, unless and until someone starts messing with my kids. (Then I go into the whole mama-bear thing ;) - but don't we all?). So the yearly battle of educating new teachers and new administration on my little one's abilities and disabilities is stressful. I wish the whole process was a little easier; that I didn't have to fight tooth and nail for every little thing. Keep your fingers crossed for me - I'm going to be needing all the luck I can get!

Jessica

Welcome to Holland

When you become the parent of a special-needs child, it can be very traumatic. But you've got to remember the special things about the child you have, not the child you thought you were going to have, to help you make it through.

Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley. Pack your tissues.

Jessica

ADHD House - Chaos Central

Well, this blog is intended to be a way to vent a little bit. I'm a mother of two, Mariah who is 11 and has been diagnosed with ADHD / ODD and Matthew, who is 9 and has been diagnosed with ADHD and Noonan's Syndrome. My hubby is also ADHD/Bipolar. Please excuse the occasional rant. It gets a little nuts at our house.

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Yes, it occasionally is mis- or over-diagnosed; yes, there are lots of opinions on both sides of the fence about the effects of discipline, medication and etc. I don't claim to be a doctor or any kind of medical expert; nothing I say here should be construed as giving medical advice. All I can tell you is my experience, what we've been through personally.

My daughter was diagnosed at 4-5 yrs old, after I took her to the doctor and said, "There's *something* going on and you need to do something about it!" She had been kicked out of three daycares at that point; every one of them complained that she wouldn't sit still, was too loud, got angry too quickly and hit other kids. She had no friends, because the other kids were "weirded out" or scared of her. She had uncontrollable fits of fury at home, which scared us too.

We tried reward charts, we tried punishment, we even spanked. Nothing helped. Finally we got our pediatrician to listen (he felt she was "too young" and didn't want to "label" her!!)and he started her on Adderall, which helped immensely. With the medication, she could suddenly sit through a whole story or meal. She really blossomed after that.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD much later, only just this year after his teachers said - OK, we've done all we can, it's time to talk to his doctor. Given the family history, we'd been suspecting, but we wanted to avoid jumping to conclusions. He's now on Concerta, which has made a big difference in his schoolwork.

Matthew also has Noonan's Syndrome, a genetic disorder that occurs in about 1 out of 1,000 live births. Luckily for us, he's very "light;" the symptoms he has are not life-threatening, just limiting. The Noonan Syndrome Support Group has excellent information on this syndrome.

Now you know where I'm coming from. If you're in the same boat or a similar one, drop me a line and let me know.

Jessica